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Toast is Ridding the World of Ugly Gadgets

With the exception of most things, there’s nothing worse than having an ugly gadget. Generations of weary men and women fought for our right to buy wildly expensive phones, tablets, laptops and gaming consoles, then clothe them in the skin of dead things.

Here’s a rhetorical question: is there anything more American than swaddling the PS4 I waited to buy specifically so I could get a white one in a tasteful walnut shell, emblazoned with the fierce face of a bald eagle that silently judges me for neglecting my patriotic duties every time I try to get my video game fix? No, there obviously isn’t.

I’m kidding. Only a deranged individual would put a bird on a gaming console, so I settled on the Bloody Disgusting logo, because there’s nothing deranged about a human skull in mid-devastation by a saw blade. Some proof:

Make sure the volume’s cranked up on your computer or you’ll miss the choir of angels singing the PlayStation theme that plays when the console is switched on, and if you’re using a 4K monitor, you should see a seemingly sourceless ray of heavenly light that gently illuminates the console in an otherworldly glow. That, my friends, is what your visually impaired console could look like, so long as you’re willing to pretty it up a bit, a la Freddie Prinze Jr. in She’s All That.

You might not get it, and that’s okay. The point is, Toast does.

Toast started out with a man, a dream, and a modestly successful crowdfunding campaign. Today, it’s a rapidly growing online retailer run by a team of 10. The engraving process, which involves lasers and burning, is what inspired the name.

The site offers a myriad pre-designed cases that come in a variety of colors, styles and materials, including genuine leather (colored or natural) and various woods (ash, walnut, bamboo, ebony). You can also submit your own design, as I did, and they’ll slap it on a case of your choosing.

The quality of the materials is certainly impressive, as is the incredible amount of detail they’re able to retain in the engraving. Nothing was lost in the transition, as far as I can tell. Every gruesome detail of the original design seems to be intact.

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When my PS4’s new wooden wardrobe arrived, I set about applying the sticky side of each piece to the console’s woefully plain exterior. It didn’t take long, maybe five minutes, and the result was transformative. I will note that for the PS4 or any other gadget that has an interface as small as the console’s power and eject buttons, the shell can make it somewhat tricky to get at them.

I suspect this won’t be a problem for most. It’s barely a problem for me. But if you have a little extra girth to your digits, you might want to keep it in mind.

Finding the right case for your gadget isn’t easy, nor should it be taken lightly. No sane person would ever wear a shirt that didn’t compliment their eyes so they pop. All Toast has done is take that rule and apply it to the world of technology. They’re ahead of the game, I say.

When the machines we take for granted inevitably rise against us, Toast will be there, providing General Siri and the legions of murderbots I assume she’ll command with bold accessories made from natural materials. Eventually, they’ll probably have to start using human skin, but we don’t need to get into that right now.

For more on Toast and the post-apocalyptic future they’ll soon capitalize on, head over here.

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9 Comments
  • Creepshow

    You my friend, are a kooky sum-bitch.

    • Wanna be friends?

      • Creepshow

        Sure bud.
        Friends til the end. Hidey-ho haha!

        • We need a secret best friend handshake IMMEDIATELY.

          • Creepshow

            The first best friend secret handshake between two people who have never met, and probably never will. Sounds legendary.

          • alwayswipetwice

            SHIFT+ALT+h+5

            Nailed it.

  • Grandpa Fred

    No thanks. I’ll take my glacier-white PS4 and be more than happy with its beautiful simplicity.

    • LAURCORE

      Your name is fitting lol

  • Want. Fucking want so bad.

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